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I only watch the last two minutes of the Kentucky Derby coverage because the race* is all that matters, of course. A bunch of rich white people sucking each other off for three+ hours prior to is absolutely ridiculous.

That’s the same reason I only watched the last two minutes of the UK coronation earlier today. I was hoping they might cut the heads off of Charles and Camilla.

*Im fully aware that the race is a fucked up thing too, but I somewhat admire the jockeys. They’re actually pretty amazing athletes. Tiny little athletes, but pretty amazing.

05.06.23 5

HENRY, YOU ARE DOING FINE!!!

04.15.23 4

Colin getting absolutely destroyed on Weekend Update will always give me so much joy.

04.15.23 4

I DEMAND THE UNCUT VERSION OF THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE FEATURING FUNKY KONG!!!

04.15.23 5

I don’t know what the hell Ana de Armas said, but it’s now also my favorite food.

04.15.23 1

They should let Pete host and be the musical guest next week.

04.15.23 1

Lots of Heidi so far tonight so the real winner is me.

04.15.23 1

“Another one of those thangs!”

04.15.23 1

That was the best Weekend Update in a while.

GET WREKT JOST!

04.01.23 2

One of my most favorite things is asking obvious racists to to expand on their posts where they think they’re being so sneakily racist that no one will notice.

Grow some pant nuggets and just be racist. You’re not slick. Just own it and let everyone know who you are from the jump.

03.26.23 7